My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
