the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
