last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
