I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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