Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
