DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My feet surprised me
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