Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
