i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
