I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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