I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
