I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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