Having a random hookup so left but love u
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
