hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
