I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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