I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
