He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
