tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
