i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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