I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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