She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
