I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
