i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
