Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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