I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
