Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
