I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i've created a new STD.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Randomize
