We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
