woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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