Non-Jews are for practice
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
