Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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