i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
