He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
