You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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