I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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