I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
