peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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