Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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