Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
