you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
