Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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