my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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