i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
