i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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