so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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