Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
