HIV tests are more positive than that guy
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
