How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
