I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
