the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
