When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
