I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
